The last week has brought about the typical scene on social media with folks sharing their New Year resolutions. While I haven’t made a resolution in a few years, I usually like to encourage others. This year, all I could think of everytime a friend asked about resolutions was this: to live.
No, not to live as in living fully or intentionally – as in living in the physical sense.
Some who follow the blog may have noticed I’ve been irregular with daily card posts, which is something I’m good at doing even if meatier posts might be less common. That’s because of a personal health issue that has rocked my family.
I have cancer, specifically Stage 4 ovarian cancer.
When I first learned this news, I didn’t intend to share it here at all. But as the weeks went by and after the reality of my first chemo treatment hit, I realized that accepting, fearing, and fighting this is strongly linked to my spiritual life and beliefs.
My local clinic gave me the news about the ovarian mass and that it was likely cancerous on Halloween. They quickly referred me to an oncologist at Kansas State University Medical Center. After getting such news on Samhain eve, one’s perspective of the ancestor altar and the holy day shifts a bit. Somehow, I felt closer to those whose photos and memorial cards graced our family altar – I felt their whispers in my ears more than normal.
On the other hand, seeing the altar was also a motivator to do what was needed to be as healthy as possible going into treatments. I’m simply not ready to join these ancestors! So, chug a couple protein shakes a day (as my body is not processing regular protein correctly and I’ve lost 40 pounds) – check (though I have to admit it’s been difficult with our holiday schedule the last couple weeks)! Driving to and from Kansas City for consultations, a colonoscopy, and biopsy – check! (Though I didn’t have to do any of those alone – my boyfriend or my sister were with me.) Try to walk or do yoga as well as some arm weight exercises to rebuild muscle – check!
Receiving my educational meeting about the chemotherapy was eye opening. Of course, there are many possible side effects and a 90% chance of losing my hair. As I’ve approached the two-week point after my first chemo treatment, when I was told to expect the hair loss, every time I run my hands through my hair or comb my hair, I’m thinking “will it start falling out now?” The hair loss actually started this weekend, and is a bit of a downer even though I was prepared for it.
Aside from the typical identity issues women often have with their hair, my mind ran to the very witchy concern of my hair falling out in public places where people could easily get a piece of it (I dare say that’s not a typical cancer patient thought). Though I’ve cut my hair short to prepare for this change, it’s still in the back of my mind. I took to wearing a knit hat when going out this weekend.
Another side effect is neuropathy, which has happened in my toes, bottom of the feet, and fingertips. Handling my cards for the first time after the neuropathy kicked in, I was stunned that I did not feel the energies of the cards as easily. I have no idea whether it’s the physical neuropathy or my mindset about my digits that is causing it, but it definitely sat me back in my seat a bit.
On the bright side, my spiritual community (as well as family, friends, and coworkers) has been incredibly supportive and generous. I’ve received many care packages that spoke to my spirit as well as my physical needs, and I know there is a ton of healing energy coming my way. From “Suck It, Cancer” coloring book and healing stones to teas and warm socks and hats, my family and community is taking care of me in a way that is both humbling and encouraging. Trust me when I say there is a lot of love and kindness in this world – no matter how much you see in the news that suggests otherwise.
Learn Symptoms to Catch it Early!
OK, I’m using the end of the post to share some of the symptoms of ovarian cancer because it can be really subtle and confused with other issues. If you have a few of these symptoms and they aren’t going away, please see your doctor or clinic! I thought I was experiencing serious digestive issues combined with premenopause; I had NO IDEA my health problem was so dangerous. Please don’t take your life for granted, ladies, and pay attention to these signs:
- Unexplained fatigue
- Unexplained weight loss or gain
- Change in bowel habits
- Increased size of abdomen or swelling
- Abdominal or pelvic pain
- Feeling full after eating a small amount
- Pain during sex
- Urinary changes, such as frequency or urgency
Thank you for patience with my posting and hijacking the blog for the day. Blessings of Avalon to you all!
Thistle
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Parting the Mists 
